College Application?

To Mr.Applicant acceptance guy,

First of all, I shouldn't even need to do one of these. It's ridiculous. Do you not know who I am? My name is Matthew Webber, I'm kind of a big deal. People know me worldwide for my ability to run across Canada in a 2 day trek... with no shoes and without a scratch. My record is 97 goals in one period of a hockey game. With the Harry Potter series in front of me, I completed the whole series in a matter of 4 hours. One day, I actually taught a group of mute people how to speak. With the assistance of no one and no machines, a beached whale was returned to the ocean with my very own strength. People praise me. On Thursdays I climb the highest of mountains, on Fridays I read to the elderly, and on the weekends I go to the Amazon to wrestle with snakes and other wildlife. At the age of 6, people all over the world requested me to fix their broken bones, to fix their sickness, and to fix their unhealthy bodies. I'm just amazing! I once found a prehistoric dinosaur bone worth millions of dollars in my backyard... but didn't think it was a big deal, so i gave it to my dog. Before I was even born, I was side by side with Gandhi while he was on his hunger strike. God prays to me. Yes, I know all this information is truthful but yet I still have to find a college that takes me serious.